Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Midlife Song

As Christa and I move towards sabbatical (and work on this music, art and writings with transitions themes) we've been running into midlife crisis-type questions. Or maybe they are just transition questions. I can picture my past self, my present self and who I thought I'd be getting together. It's not all that pretty, but since conflict makes good stories, I thought I'd write a song about it. Here it is -- rough, recorded minutes after writing.

by Jonathan Reuel copyright 3.30.2011

Who I was caught up with who I am today
'Was' was spoiling for a fight
"Man," 'Was' said, "You've compromised,
Gone soft (not wise)
You're a disgrace to what's right"

'Is' straightened his back and shrugged
"Say what you want, but you're still 'Was'
Sometimes what you want is what you'll be
Sometimes it's what you give up to get free."

Who I am caught up with who I thought I'd be
'Who I Thought' walked past without noticing me
"Man,I thought I'd be a little better known
A little better off, and a little less alone."

My pseudo future self was pretty well dressed
He had a tie like mine but his shirt was pressed
He had his peers admiration and a friendship with God
He drove a fast, smart car passed churches and bars

This pseudo future self wasn't showing his age
Until a stranger walked up with a light in his face
Future man got a panicked look and ran from the scene
Like some scavenger pack that picked the bones all clean

'Who I Was' took his cues from the future me and left as well
I was stuck with this stranger, I was all by myself
And in that peace-filled silence I found my feet
And a place where Love could get to me


amberdkb said...

I like it! and reminds me of myself. :)

Christian said...

John - If you can keep the Americana coming, I think you got a real shot at doing something big. You're absolutely my favorite songwriter. I will do what I can to get your music into the hands of somebody who really could help you.

The song - as you might imagine, I'm wondering these same things lately. Regret, remorse, surrender and freedom. And freedom isn't what I expected it to be, and it's so much better and worse than I thought it was. Freedom is scary, and it reminds me how much I don't understand. Blah... does this even make sense.