The end of JRL was, I think, the beginning of my sabbatical from the Arts Mountain (that part of culture that really is, primarily about making something creative, powerful, beautiful, different, relevant, inexplicable (and only secondarily about other things -- making money, religion, education, values, protest, etc)). I've remained active on other "mountains" -- business, education, church. I've even done some creative things there, but I've been away from the Arts Mountain and the music world.
And all sorts of stuff has come out of me while I've traveled: Frustration, disappointment, weaknesses, patterns that need changing, needs that have been ignored, etc.
I've been questioning. Am I really called to the arts mountain? Do I have what it takes? Am I deluded? Why haven't I gotten farther than I have? Is the call real? What is that call exactly?
Somewhere during all this I've begun to listen to music again and explore new stuff. I haven't done that for a long, long time. Yellowman. The Black Keys. The White Stripes. Stars, Arcade Fire, Wolf Parade, Band of Horses, Bon Iver, TV on the Radio.
What do I write if I have no parameters? (One of my highlights during the Greenhouse Project arts internship was to see what came out when people wrote with very few parameters).
I think I may be coming past the heart of the desert now. It feels like there may be life on the other side. I may be called to climb the arts mountain. My dreams may be a gift, seeds from God's garden. I may have something to give that's needed in the music world, on the arts mountain. It may matter if I quit this part of the race. I may make it over this plateau where I've been stuck. I may flourish. I may live and not die. Who knows?